It’s a subconscious decision women make as soon as the prospect of marriage becomes a looming reality – put all efforts and immediate plans into planning for the wedding, and forget almost entirely about what happens after the wedding (exclude the honeymoon of course). It’s only natural to focus on the wedding because, let’s face it, a wedding takes a LOT of planning and time. You’ve got to organize your bridesmaids, get your dress, find the venue, coordinate with your suppliers, and oh so much more. Throughout all of the planning, joyful bachelorette parties, exciting cake tastings, and stressful favor assembly nights, it’s likely you’ve not put one ounce of effort into what you’ll do immediately after the wedding. Welcome to the “Oh sh*t what do I do now?” phase – AKA post wedding blues.
What are the Post Wedding Blues?
It is very frequent for couples, especially the women, to feel depressed and somewhat bored after returning from the honeymoon. The sense of purpose and excitement that fueled the couple for the months leading up to the wedding is gone and now they’re left with just themselves. The new Mrs. is no longer the excited and giddy bride-to-be that reveled in all of the attention, and now each of the prospective partners are forced to transition from just a ‘couple’ to a fully functioning partnership that inputs 50/50 towards the marriage.
Unfortunately it is this transition phase that causes the most distress for couples and why so many marriages end within just the first year. This is why it is crucial for couples to stop before they get married and take some time to really think about the upcoming adventure they will begin. Below are five things that couples should do before they’re married to help prepare themselves for their first year of marriage!
Five Things To Do Before You Take The Plunge
Before diving head first into wedding plans then coming to a screeching halt when you hit real marriage time, it’s always best to pause for a bit and actually talk with your partner. Getting excited about the wedding can mean you completely forget about all of the important life changes you’re going to encounter once you get back from the honeymoon. Fortunately, these five tips are designed to not only help you and your partner transition into your married roles easier, but also avoid those dreaded post wedding blues entirely!
1. Get excited about becoming Mr & Mrs
Being a newly wed couple can be just as exciting as when you’re engaged because you now have a whole range of Mr & Mrs items to acquire! New family tree frames, photo albums, matching T-shirts, and housewares are all available for you to buy. Additionally, don’t just leave those personalized T-shirts for when you’re planning your wedding!
Couple t-shirts are growing in popularity with each year. Whether it’s anniversary t-shirts or ones that say “Wifey”, “Hubby”, “Mr.” and “Mrs.”, couple t-shirts once you’re married can be used all of the time! Additionally it’s a great way to make your partner smile, remind you that you’ve married your best friend, and keep you and your partner connected in another way! Check out these great Wifey, Mr, and Mrs t-shirts available on Etsy below.
2. Plan a Post Wedding Adventure
Right, you probably have enough on your plate already with all of the wedding planning going on and the honeymoon, but you’re going to want to create some sort of padding of excitement for when you’re back from your honeymoon. This doesn’t mean jet off to Hawaii again just two weeks after you get back; instead try planning ahead for a small weekend getaway for you and your new partner. Perhaps rent a cottage at a nearby campground and enjoy a hot tub and some alone time together. If cabin rental doesn’t sound like something you’d enjoy, consider knocking off an item on your joint bucket list like skydiving or scuba diving!
3. Have “The Talk”
A huge problem many couples run into when they get back from their honeymoon is that they realize their expectations of marriage are so completely out of sync. You need to make sure that you and your partner know exactly what your future goals are on a one year, five year, ten year, and twenty year level. You need to make sure that your ideas and perceptions about the roles you’ll each have in marriage are similar else you could find that you’re completely incompatible and need more time to figure out your relationship before you get married!
4. Live Together
I’m sure there’s a *gasp* from a few people reading this, however the pro’s for living together far outweigh the cons especially if your religion doesn’t strictly prohibit this. You see, when you live together you get to experience a whole new side of them that you’ll never know until you do so. Being around someone in the morning when they’re grumpy and unwashed is something you need to be used to, and your partner needs to be used to seeing you that way. Additionally, living together brings a whole new level of closeness into a relationship that can make one stronger, or even drive a wedge between two people. If you’re planning to get married and your religion, or lack of, allows you to live together with your partner, then you should definitely consider doing so – it could help you realize that either a) you’re marrying the person of your dreams and you’re happier than ever about your decision or b) your partner is a nightmare to live with and you absolutely cannot move in with them when you’re married or anytime afterwards!
5. Get Along With The In Laws
Whether you like it or not, your partner brings with them baggage. Some people’s baggage is far heavier than others, so you need to thoroughly assess the person before continuing in a relationship. Fighting a losing battle is something that is incredibly draining and very unhealthy for both individuals involved. One major problem that couples run into is with in laws, and nothing can drive a couple further apart than domestic issues stemming from an overbearing mother, or a disapproving father. If you’re currently at logger heads with your fiance’s family, then consider going to family counselling sessions well before you’re married. You’d be surprised at how many arguments are stemming from repressed anger and frustration due to troubles with in laws.
Sometimes, in rare cases, it becomes evident that contact with certain in laws needs to be completely cut off. This should be done as a last resort and should be a joint decision by the couple – never an ultimatum from one partner. Remember that your fiance comes with their family and when you make an effort to at least be on civil terms, then you can significantly reduce any conflicts during the first year (and far afterwards) of marriage!